Something about me,
I can forgive my past, including myself, and the people I used to know, but I can't forget. I can never be like Jesus, who easily forgives and forgets together in a moment's time. I hold on to ill memories like I need them. Clearly, I don't need them. They only make me dark and confused.
I have a corrosive problem of believing that I'll always be this one person forever. That beneath my maturing body and spirit, my sins and habits will never change. And I'm also reminded of this, every single day, in other people. That phrase Some people never change comes to mind. It only takes one moment of mistrust, deceit, or let-down, for me to lose faith in humanity and the excellence of our being. Whom can I trust, but Jesus Christ...in context, those words sound so caustic and hateful don't they?
Yet its amazing how easily I can be reminded to be thankful for 'Today', all it takes is the local news, nostalgia over my grandma, a picture of a hungry child in North Korea. I will genuinely be thankful for my life. Everyone who has been humbled by His grace is able to do so with the upmost deference and shame. But at the same time, you and I both know, its only moments before such thanks withers away and we return to our lives we think we can author.
I'm now sitting here thinking, what is the point of me stating the obvious. What am I going to do about it. Therefore I ask, help me - remind me of today, remind of Him, remind me that the past is in the past, hurt is in the past, and that today I'm going to engage with someone amazing, I'm going to eat a freakin feast, I'm going to laugh, and I'm going to be loved... just like you always do. (hint: i have good sisters and brothers)
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