Baby I get by, I get by

Lately I just want to slow down time. Even though its finals week, I'm not wishing it to "just be over". I keep thinking, there are going to be a hell of a lot more weeks harder than this in the future, and I'm gonna waste my life if I keep wishing them away.

I'm in that "life is short" phase, after losing my grandma. I used to wonder why God puts old people through cancer. Why does it have to be a decaying process. Why can't we all just drift off in peace. But now I'm thinking, where is the glory in that. Maybe a deathbed is the one last favor God can give. Because one day we're all going to stop being daughters and sons and become mothers and fathers. We're already good at neglecting our parents. It only gets worse. Maybe our grandparents get sick, so that we can love them.

At my grandma's expense, I think everyone single person in my family has grown a second heart. Not just in taking care of my grandma, but in doing the same for each other.

I think I've lost a fair enough this year.
But hopefully I grow another heart out of it.

My roommate Kat is humming Yellow Submarine in the shower. Her Beatles renditions are comforting. Deborah's occasional outbursts and screams during test time is comforting. What else. Andrew's recorded version of Jesus, etc is probably the most played song on my mp3 player. My orange tea pot. I bought it originally to send to Catherine. Orange for Syracuse. But being my lazy self, I never shipped it. And now whenever I drink Earl Grey out of it, I think of her, and also what potential the orange pot could've had in New York.

Jeff Buckley's version of Hallelujah comforts me.

I still sing a melody.
Even if they are cold and broken hallelujahs... I can still sing.




k aNge L b Aby p: HIM NAE!!!!!!!! SI NAE!!!!!!!!

Amy does this often. Now, if she doesn't do it, I get pissy.